Along with the usual drinking, smoking and raving, white Brits also regularly engage in more wholesome activities such as crochet and making their own smoothies. Stressed by the many troubles of their trendy media city lifestyles, they find these pastimes ‘soothing’ and ‘therapeutic’. Therefore, instead of being a lame sign of ‘growing up’, they can be spun as a necessary side-effect of their hedonistic lives.
Anything crafty is especially good, as it also allows white Brits to show off their creative side: painting, drawing, sewing, sculpting, and generally ‘making things with your hands’. The produce of these creations doubles up as handy gifts, which have the twofold benefit of being lovingly hand-made and dirt cheap.
Despite white Brits’ protestations to the contrary, pastimes such as these do point towards their gentle and inevitable transformation into sophisticated respectability. Before they know it, the self-destructive studenty pastimes are dropped, and their knowledge of what seeds to plant in which part of the garden grows. As their salary slowly increases and they trundle along towards Islington and Stoke Newington, white Brits become increasingly mellow and house-proud, until they accidentally find themselves having dinner parties. But, god damn it, they do still like Animal Collective.